Friday, March 16, 2012
we watched this movie last night. it was good. it was a story we could personally relate to a great deal and it was portrayed in a way that made it feel so very real, brought back lots of memories and that feeling like there is something stuck in your throat and you can't swallow it no matter how hard you try.
so i thought to get it out of my system i'd just write this down.
it really took me back to the days when our story had just begun and we had no idea where it would take us. airports almost became our second home, a home we loved to visit in anticipation for that special visitor but also dreadfully had to return that person to when such a tiny piece of shared time came to an end. to this day and probably for the rest of my life, airports will be difficult places for me.
i remember the late night phone calls that we didn't want to end but had to. the video chats with a picture all jumbled up or frozen because of a slow internet connection. the whisperings of sweet nothings that meant so much. emails replaced love notes and little surprises in the mail made the time between visits bearable.
i remember going out with friends and not remembering much of anything or who had talked to me those nights. no, not because of alcohol. i remember forcing myself to go out at all. it was like living in slow motion while i was staring into space all night, trying to be polite to those actually still trying to make conversation with me when my thoughts were clearly somewhere else. somewhere on a different continent.
friends did their best to understand, couldn't understand, tried to steer me away but failed. as we grew closer some of those friendships started to fall apart.
i know that feeling of total helplessness and that bottomless longing for that other person. like you can't go on for another minute without them. and then you do go on. another day and another day because you don't know any other way. because there is that glimmer of hope and the determination that you are meant to be with that person for the rest of your life.
and then you just jump without quite knowing what you'll land on. you take that leap of faith because it's the only thing that makes sense. and maybe you're just a little crazy.
in may of 2006, 21 year old me got on a plane to cross an entire ocean and not look back.
sometimes it takes a good movie to make 27 year old me reflect on life. i think 21 year old me had way more guts than 27 year old me does ;)
if you have no idea what i'm even talking about, click here
oh and go watch like crazy and let me know if you liked it.