Monday, November 5, 2012
I know I should probably write something happy and uplifting with it being Monday and all. You know, the whole beginning of a new week kind of thing...
Unfortunately, I don't really feel very happy tonight.
I really try to keep this blog a happy place for myself and others and I don't write very many posts like this one. It is hard for me to write posts about my feelings and views because somewhere on the inside I fear judgement and disinterest.
However, today I want to share about one thing that has really brought me down this weekend. One that will probably haunt me for a few more days to come.
Sunday started off well with the sun actually peeking through for a few too short minutes in the morning and a happy toddler that did not seem much affected by the one hour time change. We headed out to pick up an order for a friend from a store and get groceries. We had a good time doing these very mundane things just enjoying being together as a family. On the way home I checked my phone and found out that a little boy, barely much older than Logan, had fallen 11 feet down into the painted wild dog exhibit at the Pittsburgh Zoo and tragically been mauled to death.
The same exhibit we just visited not even two weeks ago on the most beautiful warm and sunny autumn day.
I remember a time where surely I found stories like this sad and unsettling but could easily move on from it. These days, stories like this bring me to tears, they make me feel sick to my stomach and make me want to squeeze my baby and not ever let him go. It is another one of those things that make me realize how much becoming a mother has truly changed me. How love can bring us so much joy and suffering at the same time.
So many nights I go to bed thinking about the chance of losing my baby, which makes me sick to my stomach and feel crazy to even mention to anyone I am close to. It makes me wonder if I'm the only one who can't shut off these horrible imaginings her brain comes up with and whether it is normal to have such thoughts? I keep thinking that it must get better once he isn't so tiny anymore. No?
I can only imagine what these parents must be going through right now. It appears that the mother was holding the child up on the barrier where he wiggled out of her grip and fell into the exhibit.
Now of course it is never a good idea to put your child in such an unsafe situation but some of the comments I have read from people on facebook and other places online just make me shake my head in awe as to what insensitive and truly hurtful things people feel the need to share with a mother and father who have just lost their child in such an awful way.
This is a horrible and truly unimaginable pain for someone to have to go though that I do not wish upon anyone. Let us not judge and place ourselves above these parents but remember the young life lost in this tragic accident. If you don't have anything kind to say then just don't say it at all.
I am sorry if I have just made your Monday a little sad and unhappy. I promise to keep the rest of this week light as it usually is. I just needed to share my thoughts and feelings on this tragedy and how it has affected me. Thanks for understanding :)