Monday, November 5, 2012

sorrow



I know I should probably write something happy and uplifting with it being Monday and all. You know, the whole beginning of a new week kind of thing...
Unfortunately, I don't really feel very happy tonight.
I really try to keep this blog a happy place for myself and others and I don't write very many posts like this one. It is hard for me to write posts about my feelings and views because somewhere on the inside I fear judgement and disinterest.
However, today I want to share about one thing that has really brought me down this weekend. One that will probably haunt me for a few more days to come.

Sunday started off well with the sun actually peeking through for a few too short minutes in the morning and a happy toddler that did not seem much affected by the one hour time change. We headed out to pick up an order for a friend from a store and get groceries. We had a good time doing these very mundane things just enjoying being together as a family. On the way home I checked my phone and found out that a little boy, barely much older than Logan, had fallen 11 feet down into the painted wild dog exhibit at the Pittsburgh Zoo and tragically been mauled to death.
The same exhibit we just visited not even two weeks ago on the most beautiful warm and sunny autumn day.

I remember a time where surely I found stories like this sad and unsettling but could easily move on from it. These days, stories like this bring me to tears, they make me feel sick to my stomach and make me want to squeeze my baby and not ever let him go. It is another one of those things that make me realize how much becoming a mother has truly changed me. How love can bring us so much joy and suffering at the same time.

So many nights I go to bed thinking about the chance of losing my baby, which makes me sick to my stomach and feel crazy to even mention to anyone I am close to. It makes me wonder if I'm the only one who can't shut off these horrible imaginings her brain comes up with and whether it is normal to have such thoughts? I keep thinking that it must get better once he isn't so tiny anymore. No?

I can only imagine what these parents must be going through right now. It appears that the mother was holding the child up on the barrier where he wiggled out of her grip and fell into the exhibit.
Now of course it is never a good idea to put your child in such an unsafe situation but some of the comments I have read from people on facebook and other places online just make me shake my head in awe as to what insensitive and truly hurtful things people feel the need to share with a mother and father who have just lost their child in such an awful way.

This is a horrible and truly unimaginable pain for someone to have to go though that I do not wish upon  anyone. Let us not judge and place ourselves above these parents but remember the young life lost in this tragic accident. If you don't have anything kind to say then just don't say it at all.

I am sorry if I have just made your Monday a little sad and unhappy. I promise to keep the rest of this week light as it usually is. I just needed to share my thoughts and feelings on this tragedy and how it has affected me. Thanks for understanding :)

12 comments:

  1. I heard about this story on the evening news tonight... so sad, it makes me feel terrible as well, and I can't even imagine how one would get through the pain of a tragedy like that. I find it comforting to know that someone else in the blogging community had the same reaction as I did.

    x Ellie @ Ellalogy 

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  2. How incredibly heartbreaking! My heart goes out to that family, I can't imagine that amount of pain. You're not alone in thinking that way. When I first heard about the tragedy in New York a couple weeks ago I fell apart. I feel like now that I've become a mom I just break down at the slightest idea of losing my babies in any way. I know too many people personally who have lost their young ones and it makes me so thankful for my healthy little ones. Instances like this are all the more reason we should savor every moment and not spend our time stressed out and focused on what's out of our control. Now excuse me while I go love on my boys for a bit...

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  3. Ugh, I heard about this on the news yesterday too and just couldn't believe it. My heart hurts for that family. So sad and tragic.

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  4. I just read another article on it before opening blogger. The story is heartwrenching. The mother shouldn't have placed her child on the railing, but that doesn't mean something bad should've happened.

    So so sad. You're not alone in the fear of something happening to your child. I was JUST talking to my husband about this the other night.

    You have a good heart, friend.

    xo

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  5. i just read about that this morning. how horrifying for the mother to have to watch! she has to feel such overwhelming guilt. it breaks my heart, too.

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  6. So so horrible :( I also have thoughts about something happening to the boys sometimes...the worst fear ever. I think that is normal for any parent. Prayers for that family.

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  7. Sophie, first, thank you for sharing this. From one mother to the next I want to say that I struggle with those thoughts almost everyday. You are not strange or alone in that. To me, I think it would be uncommon if a parent didn't. A lot of times when I'm experiencing a moment with my son that fills my heart to the brim with love, I often think about what if something happened to this little person. And yes, it can literally make you sick to your stomach. All you can do is love and protect your little one as best you can and not dwell on the "what if's"

    Hoping your Monday get a little brighter. xo

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  8. you are not the only mother to think these thoughts. It gets a little easier as they grow, but the fears change with them. hold on while you can and remember that you can't control it all. virtual hugs

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  9. Sophie, this is so incredibly sad. Things like this really stick with me, too. I can't even imagine what the parents are going through. I always find it amazing when people feel the need to make those types of comments on articles. As if that poor mother doesn't blame herself already :( xo

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  10. Wow this is sad. There are no words and no reasoning to something like this. This is the frist time visiting your blog and it's normal to not always be happy and upbeat. That's life and I appreciate the real truth and honesty. We all have moments where we are just thinking and worrying and having fears. I'm a new follower my dear.
    http://sincerelyarizona.blogspot.com/

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  11. Hey. Ich habe diese tragische Geschichte auch heute morgen auf SPIEGEL online gelesen. Auch wenngleich ich noch kein Kind habe, so hat mich die Tragik dieses Unfalls auch sehr mitgenommen. Du hast vollkommen recht, dass man in einer solch schrecklichen Situation die Eltern nicht noch mit negativen Kommentaren belasten sollte. Fuehl dich virtuell gedrueckt. Liebe Gruesse aus LA, Kat <3

    http://6footone.wordpress.com/

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  12. That is truly heartbreaking.

    I relate to worrying about my kids and imagining accidents or other bad things that could happen, I think it's a mama thing. But what helps reminding myself that God loves my children so much and has a plan for their lives, He's the one Who gave them to me in the first place so my responsibility is to be a good steward of them and leave the rest in His loving hands.

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