So today is my birthday and over the past few years this day has made me want to reflect more than it used to. See, in my early to mid twenties I was so busy with life that I barely took the time to think about where I was going. I felt pretty rooted and being in college gave me a sure outlook on what was to come in the close future. I wouldn't say that birthdays are a huge deal to me, I've never paid much attention to the number but 28 feels kind of funny. So what is it that seems to be changing inside of me? why do I feel so unrooted and sort of anxious all of a sudden?
I mean, I do notice one or two more wrinkles here and there, and the gray hair has been out of control since I was 16. Nothing new there... but on the inside I suddenly feel like I don't have it figured out at all.
I moved out at 21, across an entire ocean no less, got a college degree while building a house, adopted two dogs, traveled a ton and finally got pregnant with that beautiful little boy at 26.
My 20's seem much more grown-up
on paper the computer screen than they actually felt (so far, at least).
Becoming a mom has been the most wonderful experience by far but it has also made me wonder about who I am as woman, aside from the mom and wife part. Over the past year a longing to be more than just that, to no longer just dream but do!, has slowly crept up inside of me. It is easily covered up by the busyness of everyday life and the responsibilities that help rationalize all those wishes and aspirations away into a tiny little room in the back of my mind. Close the door and only take a peek once in a while. But as I get closer to 30 I feel like I need to not let more time slip away from me and then I reprimand myself for having such thoughts when I am so extremely blessed with what I already have, every day. I mean, why am I so confused and why the heck at 28? Shouldn't this have happened a long time ago?
This feeling is so hard to put into words and maybe you have no idea what I keep rambling on about. That's totally ok ;) I don't really have a good conclusion to this post other than there is an awesome giveaway following. That's always good, right?
So there you go, confused birthday ramblings are done until next year.
Happy Birthday to me and may I figure it all out this year ;)